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What to do if the baby destroys things?


It is often heard that parents are warned that if they discover that their child has destroyed something, they must not be criticized, because the child's destruction of things is "exploration" and "research". To criticize, it will stifle children's curiosity and exploration spirit. It seems that once criticized, a "tech star" will be rejected.

Upon hearing it, this statement seems to make sense. But after careful consideration, it was still a bit one-sided and arbitrary.

Children are sometimes curious about destroying things, but not all.

Indeed, it is common for children to destroy things.

For example, a good book was torn apart with a "prickly pull"; a good toy was torn apart; a good doll was disassembled and disassembled, with a different head and missing arms and legs ,and many more.

Behaviors like children may be driven by strong curiosity and want to explore what is happening. For example, when tearing a book, is the book reading firm or not? What is the sound of tearing? Why can machine gun toys rattle? Why can it project a gleaming red light? Why can a doll call? Why can a car run on the ground? What organ is hidden inside?

This curiosity and the desire to explore are valuable and should be cherished and protected.

The problem is that children's behavior of destroying property is not all out of curiosity, it is all exploring the end. The reasons are often varied.

For example, it may be that the adult rejected the child ’s strong request, restricted the child ’s behavior, suppressed the child ’s desire, and caused the child ’s dissatisfaction. Children's language skills are relatively poor, and they can't declare the rationality of their requirements, behaviors, and desires; while parents are absolutely strong, children are absolutely weak, and they can't compete with it. The act of beating and destroying things vents dissatisfaction and anger.

Once, my three-year-old granddaughter had to play her mother ’s mobile phone and play music on her mobile phone. Because her granddaughter dropped her cellphone on the ground several times and almost broke it, her mother would not let her play. After being rejected, the granddaughter burst into tears, and her mother insisted on not letting her play. The granddaughter picked up a toy beside her and fell hard on the wall. This must be criticized.

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Criticism is also necessary for "destruction can be done"

It is also possible to show and show off your "ability" in front of others based on your destructive behavior. With the development of self-awareness, children want to understand how much they really are. They often choose behaviors that they can carry out independently and immediately show an effect. But their actions do not have "constructive" or "destructive" directional control, nor do they understand how unfortunate it is that an object is destroyed, and whether it can be restored to its original state after destruction.

In addition, for children, destroying the physical ability of children is more suitable than building, they can see the results of their own behaviors more quickly, and get a sense of pain and satisfaction. Therefore, driven by a strong sense of self, destructive behavior often occurs.

Once, I was reading a newspaper in the study, and my granddaughter was playing with some of her dolls in the living room alone. Suddenly, she shouted loudly: "Grandpa, Grandpa, come and see!" I thought she was playing some new tricks and made me appreciate her "masterpieces."

When I looked at it in the past, she removed the arms, legs, and heads of several dolls and scattered them on the sofa, the Coffee Table, and the ground. The house was in a mess. But there she danced with pride and laughed. I pretended to be angry and said, "Destroyers!"

Such destruction of property is intentional and destructive and should be criticized.

"Unintentional destruction" should be reminded

In addition to this, the destructive behavior of children is also "unintentional", which is mainly caused by physiological reasons. Children's physical activity, sympathetic and parasympathetic development are not perfect, and their judgment, attention and control are relatively poor. Their behaviors and actions are difficult to be "handy" and "comfortable" like adults.

Sometimes I want to take something in my heart, but my hand is "disobedient". Somehow, something fell to the ground and broke.

Sometimes, the child destroys things because there is no logic in the behavior. During the transition from the "no logic stage" to the "logic stage", it is inevitable that the inadvertent failure will occur. This is not a child ’s carelessness and cannot simply blame, but it should be remind.

Even if the child is really destroying things for exploration or research, he must affirm the "mainstream" of his thoughts and behaviors, and at the same time appropriately criticize his actions of destroying things.

We say that criticism is not simply a reprimand, not a "total negation", but a denial of not caring about things. If the child does something right, he must be affirmed; if he does something wrong, he should also be criticized. This is called "one divided into two", "rewards and penalties are clear."

Only in this way can the child distinguish right from wrong, stick to the correct behavior, and correct the wrong behavior.

Affirm the "mainstream" and point out errors at the same time.

Some people worry that a criticism will kill the child's curiosity and exploration spirit. It's like taking a bath for a child. When pouring the dirty water, it is thrown away with the child.

In fact, this worry is superfluous. Under the premise of affirming the "mainstream", as long as the criticism is appropriate and appropriate, it is not simply reprimanding, and giving positive guidance and guidance will not suppress and stifle the children's curiosity and exploration spirit. The children are smart and don't misunderstand the meaning of parents.

If it is necessary to "dissect" objects in order to cultivate curiosity and exploration spirit, it is best for parents to actively provide some shabby and useless objects, and let the children disassemble and assemble under the specific guidance of the parents. Only by disassembling and assembling such a complete set of "processes" can children let them know what the parts of the object are, what kind of structure they have, what functions they have, how they are assembled together, what principles are they made, etc. Knowledge to further inspire and cultivate children ’s exploration and creativity.

At that time, Edison disassembled the alarm clock at home when he was a child. His father patiently explained it to him and instructed him to reassemble the alarm clock, which protected Edison's curiosity.

Cultivating children's exploration spirit cannot be at the expense of moral quality.

It is important to cultivate children's exploration spirit. However, it is not advisable to sacrifice the moral quality of the child.

If the child destroys something, if he does not criticize or correct it, he may lose the gain. Not only "destroyed" things, but also "destroyed" along with the children's good ethics and behavior. This possibility is not non-existent. The critics should not criticize them. The children are accustomed to doing things right, and they are right and wrong.

The suggestion that the child's destruction of things must never be criticized is too absolute and is a typical metaphysical thought.

Any behavior, thing or person is often not absolutely good or absolutely bad. Just like children often ask such questions to adults: "Is this a good person or a bad person?" Adults are really not good at answering childish questions like children.

Because in fact, "there is no perfect person, no gold is enough", "perfect and perfect", "perfect and perfect" people do not exist. People in the world are not the only ones who are "good and bad". The average person has both advantages and disadvantages, as well as strengths and weaknesses. Most people are good people who make mistakes.

When we develop a child's ability and quality, we should consider it comprehensively, and we should not lose sight of it. Should strive to obtain greater gains at the minimum cost.

Cultivating children should also pay attention to cost, because "cost" itself is also an educational factor.

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